RLINGTON,MA—According to onlookers inWrightPark, local sad sack Morgan Jennings was intimidated, bullied, and sent fleeing for safety by a Canada goose today while walking beside the park’s namesake pond.
Sources said the 36-year-old benefits officer was enjoying his lunch hour outdoors when the black-and-white migratory bird, which posed no real physical threat to Jennings, emerged from the water and waddled toward him, causing the utterly pathetic man to emit a feeble high-pitched noise and recoil in a shameful display of fear.
“That thing came at me out of nowhere,” said a still-shaken Jennings, who mounted what was said to be a heartbreakingly pitiful attempt to scare off the housecat-sized animal by swatting the air in its direction from 15 feet away and uttering increasingly panicked yelps of “Shoo!” and “C’mon! Get out of here!” “They’re actually pretty mean. I gotta say, geese are not nice birds at all.”